My memory forgives you
Tho' your smile evades me
Yet to find the peace
That I crave
Perennial heartbreak
No man or mission has been able to patch up
Such deep sadness so long down the road
Time does not seem to be on my side
For healing
Still wounded after all these years

I was sick when I met you
And you couldn't save me
But my God, you did love me
Push
I know now you landed on your heart
I only saw my own struggle
And for that I am eternally grieving

Need to move on as you have
Put it on the shelf
As an unfinished manuscript
And leave it at that
Simple if I didn't miss you so much in this moment
Darkness where you used to shine your light
Tripping over pebbles
Gathering slow thoughts and slipping by
One foot in front of the other

I've not shed this many tears since I drove North that night
In a terrible storm when I thought my heart wouldn't
Allow me to go on
And I screamed for God to strike me down
With a bolt of fire

I surprised myself that I made it
But tonight, I'm feeling it all over again
Like it just happened
Raw
Sucking the breath from me
Chest heaving
Trying to get free from these chains
To find joy again

Found an old photo in black and white
Perhaps I should bury it under alyssum
Tiny blooms carrying sweet scent
Drifting away from me
On winds drawn out from exhalation

What could have been between your heart and head
I'll never know