My memory forgives you
Tho' your smile evades me
Yet to find the peace
That I crave
Perennial heartbreak
No man or mission has been able to patch up
Such deep sadness so long down the road
Time does not seem to be on my side
For healing
Still wounded after all these years

I was sick when I met you
And you couldn't save me
But my God, you did love me
Push
I know now you landed on your heart
I only saw my own struggle
And for that I am eternally grieving

Need to move on as you have
Put it on the shelf
As an unfinished manuscript
And leave it at that
Simple if I didn't miss you so much in this moment
Darkness where you used to shine your light
Tripping over pebbles
Gathering slow thoughts and slipping by
One foot in front of the other

I've not shed this many tears since I drove North that night
In a terrible storm when I thought my heart wouldn't
Allow me to go on
And I screamed for God to strike me down
With a bolt of fire

I surprised myself that I made it
But tonight, I'm feeling it all over again
Like it just happened
Raw
Sucking the breath from me
Chest heaving
Trying to get free from these chains
To find joy again

Found an old photo in black and white
Perhaps I should bury it under alyssum
Tiny blooms carrying sweet scent
Drifting away from me
On winds drawn out from exhalation

What could have been between your heart and head
I'll never know

There's my heart
Along the roadside
Left out in a thunderstorm
Safe in the tall grass

Trouble in the sky
Overhead hammer clouds
Deafening the world
Around us

Pillow soft to touch
When you fly that high
Leave your soul
In a safety deposit box

Vision obscured with rain
Skin withering
Under your fingertips
Outside your own region

Travel delays and warnings
Forgotten visitors waiting
For your return
Did you find it yet

It's there
Along the roadside
In the tall grass

Back from another brink on a 2 year blitz
Over again
Under the influence
Certain songs still make me wanna'

Save for the vestibule
I could easily slip off the dock again
Video camera in my head
Playback in black and white
From the first night
How could we have known then?
The time we didn't have to lose

You knew
My well-being was at risk
Or were you trying to save yourself
Your own perjury
Your ego not able to
Bare the thought
Of your Universe drying out

In spite of it all
This many days
In passing and wishful understanding
I'd return for one more day
In secret shadows

All these pictures crowded together
Collage form
Spilling, melting away from my lap
Not so frightened now
Solemn
Close the box top

And continue on

What if things had come to a different end
I got the plans we always had
On my own
It's a bitter reassurance that it's really what I wanted
Indeed
I know you were wrestling with complications

Last I heard your voice, we were to speak again
I let it go
When you had the accident
Open, gaping hole waiting for the resurrection
That never came

Maybe you lost your breath that night
Still haunted by it
I've played it back a hundred times
Still with no closure

Worried for you
For our shared dependencies
I wiggled free without you
But I've no idea your condition
The circumstance from which
You dream

Quietly I agonize
Because I know
Your fight and self-infliction
No need to lie for the past
Just keep the future clean
Love means everything

These things happen for a reason

Late into dusk's ebb
She married the moon
Came dancing ragged
Drunk on starlight
Shy for ghost thoughts
Naked, woeful

Night bloomers unfurling at her feet
Quiet primula bashful
Sweet air thick
Making foggy moss patches
Between the stones
Sage depth blanket
Warmly undulating

Frond forest whispering low
Against shimmering celluloid sky
Tamarack limbs embrace her
Bark skin, scarless
Soft harsh peace

If I could be there with you now
I might let you in
Deeply impressed
Still Detached
I'd be up for talking
Maybe just staring at the night
Listening to music
Written for yesterday's war
Life turns these corners and the depth of pain
Has dispelled most of my chutzpah
I have lost
Many times

You should know
Maybe my sorrow would somehow help you to heal
Yourself
Knowing decisions are not answers to life
Momentary lapses in reason
I literally wish I could tap my shoes
And bring us together
Fold myself around your chest
And breathe for you
Because I know you haven't found it yet
That place where it's easy to make it
Through the day
Without a compass

Beautiful mistakes
Written in time
Passed from one phase to the next
Relax in their truth and allow
Their dissolution peacefully
Allow yourself to
Rest quietly without gasping

I'll wait for you
To unmask your passion
And we shall meet again
In the morning when the sun peeks in
Linger with me until it fades away
I see the shadows on your skin
When I close my eyes
I am haunted by that mirror glaze

Ruby stained lips uneasy in this grey atmosphere
Latching on to shark skin
Broken nails with peeling varnish
Clawing at the back of heels
Naked and drowning in forgivable sin
Because it brings a smile to your face
Your usual sour frame of mind
Wants a ride on a roller coaster
To bring it back to some love song you lost a long time ago
And you use that sadness and fear
To manipulate her body
Into pretzels for you to unwind
No thought to the mess left at the end of the evening
When she is left there to try and coil back up
Watching the door
Not having the strength left to close it behind you
Only the will to reach over to the crooked bedside table
And consume another shot of hatred

Have you lost what sense you claim to possess
Rainy sky streaked with your sticky neon bliss
You can't go home yet fella'
With your secretive explosion
Still tickling your brain
Maybe there is a place around the corner
Where you can perch your old jeans and tell the boys
Of your conquest
Don't forget to tell them what it cost

Grace was a girl
Never really a woman as she liked to make believe
Made up of translucent colours
Covered up with a blanket of soft curls and hand me down dreams
Waiting for Prince Charming to come and rescue her
Like in the movies she used to sneak into
I wish she'd been able to focus enough to see
What was hidden out back
A cemetery alley
Of unmarked graves being filled up one dollar at a time